True Strength

Been staring down this morning trying to find my words to write. I haven’t wrote lately as my emotions have just been all over the place. I sit here in Mason’s room watching the sun beam through the windows bringing yet another day for me to make it through. I never know which emotions I may have until I get up and going. One thing I do know is my strength is ever present as my life just keeps moving and some days knocking me completely down. I have had some changes this past year. People who I never thought would desert me did, but new people also come into my life as well. This week has been so hard and I have found my true strength. I will never get back what I have lost but I’m sure I have survived the worst pain I will ever faced. I have made a new world out of the pieces. I guess I am a tired and battle-scarred version of who I was. I am a warrior who have found love and friendship with others who suffer great loss as well. I have found my true strength if only just for today. I will get up tomorrow and try it again.

Gigi loves you Mason Jayce always. You will always be my first grandchild and never replaced ever. I will not let anyone forget you and will honor you with every breath. Swim safe my little sea turtle and explore as much as you can my little explorer. Keep watching over us giving us your sweet signs as we need them. . 

I love you  I love you  I love you❤️🐢

Two Years😇

As the sun is starting to rise, here I sit in Mason’s room. It’s dark, quiet and most of the world is still sleeping. I look around and see all his things still exactly the same. Time standing still as if he never left, but it has been 2 years, 24 months, 730 days or 17520 hours. In this room is where I feel the closet to Mason. I want to spend forever in here and pretend he never left. In the quietness of this new day my grief wants to overtake me. I can’t let it. I won’t let it. I will not break. I have to keep telling myself this everyday. I will chose to honor Mason and talk about him every chance I get. Not because I am stuck in the past, or can’t move on. As long as I live, as long as I breathe, with every beat of my heart he will not be forgotten. Mason is in everything I do and everywhere I go. He is in my heart and he is my heartbeat. I look at my son Tyler(Mason’s dad) and I see Mason. So as I sit here in the quietness I will honor and cherish that sweet miracle of life we had for 7 months. I will cherish the bright smile, sweetest laugh and best hugs and kisses I ever received. You’ll be in my heart always and forever. Gigi loves you , I love you, I love you. Swim safe my sea turtle, explore the wide sea my little explorer. 

Time

It still seems like yesterday when you went away. Yet everyday without you seems like eternity. Tick tick goes the clock, sun rises, then falls again and I will never be the same. Time does not heal the grief I feel. Our moments in time are now just memories. Losing you just seems unreal. I can’t forget the moment when a knife was plunged into my heart. I never imagined that we would lose you. No time will ever heal this big hole in my heart. Time was cut short for you as well as our dreams and future to.Now I live moment by moment. I look at your pictures, precious moments in time.I know my grief will last a lifetime.I don’t feel that I truly live now, I exist the best I can. I feel so changed that I’m trying to remember who I am. If only I could turn back time. I would still choose you to be part of my life every time. My memories are timeless. They transcend all time and are limitless.  I spend a lot of time alone just thinking of you , my sweet Mason Jayce. Tick tick  goes the clock, with each tick I travel nearer to you until on heavens door I knock. As time moves on I’ll not let go of you I’ll still hold your hand in mine. My love for you will outlast the sands of time. 

Gigi loves you, Gigi loves you! Always. So travel safe my little explorer, swim fast and far my little sea turtle.