• Admin

As the sun is starting to rise, here I sit in Mason’s room. It’s dark, quiet and most of the world is still sleeping. I look around and see all his things still exactly the same. Time standing still as if he never left, but it has been 2 years, 24 months, 730 days or 17520 hours. In this room is where I feel the closet to Mason. I want to spend forever in here and pretend he never left. In the quietness of this new day my grief wants to overtake me. I can’t let it. I won’t let it. I will not break. I have to keep telling myself this everyday. I will chose to honor Mason and talk about him every chance I get. Not because I am stuck in the past, or can’t move on. As long as I live, as long as I breathe, with every beat of my heart he will not be forgotten. Mason is in everything I do and everywhere I go. He is in my heart and he is my heartbeat. I look at my son Tyler(Mason’s dad) and I see Mason. So as I sit here in the quietness I will honor and cherish that sweet miracle of life we had for 7 months. I will cherish the bright smile, sweetest laugh and best hugs and kisses I ever received. You’ll be in my heart always and forever. Gigi loves you , I love you, I love you. Swim safe my sea turtle, explore the wide sea my little explorer. 

44 views0 comments
  • Admin

It still seems like yesterday when you went away. Yet everyday without you seems like eternity. Tick tick goes the clock, sun rises, then falls again and I will never be the same. Time does not heal the grief I feel. Our moments in time are now just memories. Losing you just seems unreal. I can’t forget the moment when a knife was plunged into my heart. I never imagined that we would lose you. No time will ever heal this big hole in my heart. Time was cut short for you as well as our dreams and future to.Now I live moment by moment. I look at your pictures, precious moments in time.I know my grief will last a lifetime.I don’t feel that I truly live now, I exist the best I can. I feel so changed that I’m trying to remember who I am. If only I could turn back time. I would still choose you to be part of my life every time. My memories are timeless. They transcend all time and are limitless.  I spend a lot of time alone just thinking of you , my sweet Mason Jayce. Tick tick  goes the clock, with each tick I travel nearer to you until on heavens door I knock. As time moves on I’ll not let go of you I’ll still hold your hand in mine. My love for you will outlast the sands of time. 

Gigi loves you, Gigi loves you! Always. So travel safe my little explorer, swim fast and far my little sea turtle. 

27 views0 comments
  • Admin

September 9, 2016 was the day my life as I knew it was gone forever. I have struggled trying to get back to before that dreadful day happened. I know I can't go back and have accepted this new normal of my so called life. I read a article a few months back and it explained how my new normal would be. Not sure who wrote the article and I added a little to it. So here it goes.....

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your life. Normal is trying to decide of how to honor Mason's memory on their birthday and holidays and to even make it through those days. Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special Mason loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it. Normal is having people afraid to mention his name or feeling uncomfortable when I talk about him.

Normal is after the funeral was over that everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to live with our loss forever. Normal is seeing other families who are "whole" and thinking of how lucky they are. Realizing that our family chain is broken forever. Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving continues. Normal is trying to patiently and lovingly listen to people share the stresses of their daily lives and trying to understand how difficult life must be for them. This is especially hard when they're complaining about their kids. Having to bury Mason and say goodbye to him was a complete nightmare that you never wake up from. Normal is realizing that you will still cry. Normal is not wanting to hear that Mason is in a better place because although I know he is in heaven, I will never understand why our sweet, happy, beautiful healthy baby was taken from this earth at only 7 months old. Normal is struggling to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or when supper will be. Normal is asking God every single day why he took Mason. Normal is knowing you will never get over the loss, not a day nor a million years.

Normal is having counselors and doctors agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain, you'll just learn to cope and live with it...and that there is really nothing they can do to help you. Normal is panicking when you call or text your spouse, child, parents or any other loved one and they don't respond right away. Normal is wondering which one of your family is next and when. Normal is fighting anxiety. Normal is learning how to respond when people ask how you're doing. And last of all....

Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal"

Gigi loves you Mason Jayce, I love y0u, I love you, I love you..

Swim safe my little sea turtle and explore as far as you can.

52 views0 comments