Missing Mason

These past few weeks have been a rough time. More tears than previous weeks, more thinking of what life should be like now. I'm not sure what sparks these weeks, maybe the back and forth of these waves of grief. I know it will be a lifetime of these waves. 

I just can't stop thinking about all the things you  would be able to do now. Putting words together , walking, running all over the place. Keeping all of us on our toes. We would be exhausted , but we would cherish every second of it. I could hug you and kiss you . Our family would be complete again. 

But that's not my life now, I do have so much love in my life and a wonderful family that supports me, but I'm missing one of the biggest pieces, I'm missing you, my sweet Mason Jayce. I'm missing a huge part of me. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend you are still here. Today I daydreamed of picking you up after I got off work. I so miss doing that and singing to you in the car as I drove. 

So I will accept that this week as all the others is just a tough week. I will tell myself that this immense pain is just part of my life now and let  the feelings come through and handle it with grace. Those feelings help reassure myself that you are so real. That you will always exist. 

We miss you and love you so much. 

I miss you. I miss you, I miss you!