Hard to believe you will be 6 in just a few days. My mind and heart are just all over the place. I have been doing a lot of thinking and spending time alone lately. Wish I could say I was better at forgiving but unfortunately I'm not. I still hold a lot of anger at God and the one responsible for why you aren't here. I'm a work in progress everyday. Some days better than others. Grief doesn't get better , you just learn to live with it and move around it differently . Gigi loves you so much and everything I do on your foundation is to honor you and give you a legacy. We don't just honor you on your birthday or anniversary of when you left , we do it every second, minute, hour of everyday ! You were the first to make me a GIGI and my heart grew triple in size the day you were born. Seeing your daddy bringing you out to meet us melted this mama's heart. Seeing my son holding his son was a feeling that is hard to describe but one I will cherish forever. You are perfect and so beautiful . We made the most of those 7 months with you but we wanted a lifetime with you. You were always exploring and so curious at everything. Taking each second in as if you knew what was coming. All I know now is that I'm forever your GIGI and your forever out Mason Jayce. Myself, your papa, your daddy, uncle Steven, aunt Shay Shay, uncle Jeff, Bella and great mawmaw miss you so bad and would give anything to have you here. Your spirit is exploring and swimming the big ocean. Oh the places you'll go, our little sea turtle and our guiding light! Gigi loves you always and forever. Keep sending me signs when I need them and watching over your daddy. He misses you so and needs you always . Your daddy is a tough one but only you know his heart. He doesn't show that to us and he keeps you to himself And stays closed up. One day he will forgive himself for not being there that day to save you , that's a heavy burden but I blame myself as well. What if's will haunt us all that day. What if I had just took you with me that night before? You reached out to me but I said GIGI will see you again tomorrow and we would have you all weekend. We will have our weekends as we always did, but that never came to be. You were gone the next morning and we never got answers as to why. Only stories and different versions of that morning. One day the truth will rise up and we will all know, but however you spin it now doesn't change the outcome. Regardless you aren't here with us each day our hearts long for you. We do know you would be a spitfire like your daddy, super smart, funny and giving us those expressions and looks. Still exploring and curious as ever. The center of our world and our foundation.
Your Foundation is still going and making a difference. Your name is everywhere and such a sweet name to say...Mason Jayce. The name your daddy picked out just for you. Your spirit guided you and us to one special lady Deb Rowe who helped us to get it up and running.
You knew her soul before we did and so glad you picked her to come into our lives. You saw her spirit in Dahlonega Georgia and said this one is the one and guided her all the way to Anna Maria Island, Florida to your message in a bottle in the ocean. Our hearts are forever grateful for you both.
Happy Birthday baby and we love you so much! Miss you more than the heavens above us, more than earth we live on, more than stars in the skies!