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I wish

As September 9th is tomorrow I already feel myself starting to retreat. My body physically feels the weight of this milestone nearing and aches all over. I know I need to let my heart go through the process of these feelings but allowing that is like ripping off a band-aid each time. So here we are at the 3rd year of your loss. I still can’t bring myself to say your death. Im not sure why I can’t speak it. Maybe if I do it somehow becomes really real? If that makes any sense? I know your gone and nothing about these three years makes any sense. So here I am at the third year feeling the same, no peace or answers about that awful day. Some people seem to have moved on and even want to say me starting Mason’s non profit is my way of making money off his death. They really have no clue how much it cost to run a non profit and how much of my very own money I put into it Just to keep it going. I know now that I never will get the correct answers of what happened that morning.

Year three is just one more year of ups and downs, moments passing me by-leaving my heart shattered each time. It wasn’t suppose to be this way. It’s not suppose to be this way. I will always wonder who you would be. What would you look like now. What would your voice sound like. What would your laugh sound like. What would be your favorite color. Your favorite animal. Your favorite food. I will have a lifetime of what if’s. A lifetime of hard and joyful childhood phases. Living without you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Although there are so many beautiful things I’ve created in your memory, nothing will ever make it ok. Nothing will ever take the place of you. I could build the biggest memorial in the world and it would never make my heart ache one bit less. Nothing will ever fill the endless void you left behind. As the years pass, some things remain the same and some things are different. I love you more than life, and I miss your more than words. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, the ache and my love for you will always remain. We are soul-tied forever.

I’m so proud to be your Gigi. So proud, Mason Jayce.

I wish I could see you smile, hear your laugh. I wish I could see your blow out your birthday candles every year. I wish I could ask you want you want every year for your birthday and how you would like to spend your day. I wish I could watch you grow up.

I wish I could.

I wish, I wish I wish.

I invite you to remember Mason Jayce with me. I need to know that you remember he lIved.Share his stories, his memory, his life, his love. If your open to blessing my aching heart even more, I invite you to say his name, Mason Jayce our loud with me. Often And without hesitation. To hear his name is to hear the most beautiful sound there is . May it always be on the top of your tongue like it is on mine. There is no greater gift.

Mason Jayce , Mason Jayce, Mason Jayce.

Forever, I’ll miss you.

Forever, I’ll love you.

Forever, I’ll ache to hold you again.

Gigi forever loves you Mason Jayce.

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