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I’m up early this Sunday morning and as always I start my day in your room. Your room has become my favorite place. I talk to you here and I know you are listening and saying “Gigi , I’m always with you” and feel those soft chubby hands around my neck. It has been so long since I held you in my arms and kissed that oh so sweet little face.  I’m having one of those days where missing you just overwhelms me completely. Your daddy and I talked about you so much yesterday. He was having one of those days yesterday. I know it has to be hard for him and not having us there to comfort him. He has to be the strongest person I know.  On my bad days at least I have my family and friends to comfort me. Your daddy is alone for now. Soon he will be home. I see the hurt and pain so much in his eyes. We all had such wonderful plans for you. Our plans now for you are only in our dreams. 

As we get closer to Christmas, I imagine what you would be doing and how excited you would be. I know you would be running around and into everything. I’m sure you would sit on Santa’s lap and maybe pull at his beard and give him one of your funny looks. You would study him as you did with everything. You took everything in and gave it the Mason look. 

I’m so angry we never got the chance to spend your first Christmas together and you never even got the chance to see Santa. Some days the anger consumes me and I want to scream at God!  He gave us a perfect angel and how dare he just take it away. As I sit here in your room, I imagine you as you were, always forever 7 months. 

I came across this picture the other day and it looks just like you. A little more hair but it’s you. I believe that you were showing me what you are doing and that you are ok. Not sure who posted this picture but wherever you are , thank you. I can imagine Mason sitting in heaven and doing just that. So I will sit here in your room and enjoy our time together as we always did. I can still see you crawling around and playing with your toys. Your blanket still laying across your pack-n-play, just where we left it that September evening. Your favorite book, “under the sea” where you left it. Your favorite button to hit on there was the sea turtle and you loved hearing the sound it would make. You would hit it over and over.  

Merry Christmas my favorite little explorer, swim that big sea my little sea turtle and know GiGi loves you forever. 

I love you, I love you, I love you forever. 

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